


The World is Full of Tragedy (But It's Also Full of Gallantry)

by EcstaticAlycia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, No Jake isn't dead in this one, Pansexual Raven, Protective Clarke, Raven and Clarke are siblings, Raven's leg is top priority, Raven's understanding of her leg, Sappy Octaven, Sarcastic Raven, Slow Burn, also there will be swearing, dealing with her disability, lots of fluff, lots of medical talk, lots of stubborn Raven, modern day AU, very slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-06-02 13:35:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6568345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EcstaticAlycia/pseuds/EcstaticAlycia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Raven's life changes because of a simple little thing and she has to come to terms with the fact that she will forever be changed by it. </p><p>or</p><p>The one where Raven wishes she could go back to how things where before. Until she comes to terms with who she is now and she sees how much she has gained from losing something that was once so important to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is meant to be about Raven and how she learns to cope with her leg. But of course there has to be Octaven because they are cute as heck. 
> 
> There's a lot of medical talk in this chapter but I tried to reduce it as much as I could.

Raven knew she shouldn’t go out running this late at night. It was darker than dark, not even the stars were out tonight. Raven often wondered about the stars. What it would be like to touch them, to see them, to feel them, to be them. Raven wanted to be a star. Not in the “I’m on Broadway” kind of way, more along the lines of the importance of a star. A star was bright and each one stood out in its own way. Some were far to each other, others were near. Raven wanted to feel important, she wanted to shine, but like a star she didn’t want to overshadow anyone. That was the moon’s job. Raven just wanted to matter. She wanted to be important amongst other important people. She wanted to belong.

Raven knew that she shouldn’t go running this late at night. But she ran at the same hour each night and nothing ever happened. For years she’d been running the same route, at the same hour, every day. Maybe not years, but over one and not yet two.

  
Nothing ever happened on Raven’s runs, until one night something did.

 

-

 

Abby Griffin was Raven’s primary emergency number. Since Raven had no blood related family, Abby was her go to in emergencies.

After her father died before she could even walk and her mother lost herself in a sea of alcohol, the Griffin’s took her in as their second child. (Or first since she was older than Clarke)

Raven doesn’t remember the deaths of her parents or being brought into the Griffin home. She doesn’t remember ever feeling like Clarke was anything but her adoptive sister. Or Jake and Abby being anything other than her adoptive parents. If you asked Raven she wouldn’t even mention that she was adopted. Neither would the Griffins. Raven was barely 2 years old when she moved into the Griffin home. She might not have been a Griffin by blood but her birth certificate stated that she was a Griffin and her heart wasn’t going to argue.

When Abby got the call that her daughter had been shot she was more confused than anything else. She knew that they were talking about Raven because Clarke was home for the weekend while Raven opted to stay at NYU to cram in some more study time before finals started. The nurse on the phone told her that it was a drive by. But why? What had her daughter done that she ended up on the other side of a gun? Abby’s instincts told her to cry, to ask the nurse if she had the right person, to drop the cup of tea in her hands and feel her heart break, but Abby was a doctor, she knew that sadness over uncertainty wouldn’t help anyone so instead she asked the nurse which hospital to go to and hung up the phone straight after she was given an answer.

Abby yelled up to Clarke who was in her room doing god knows what, or who, as she pulled out her phone to call her husband.

Clarke came down the stairs in a hurry, probably hearing the urgency in the older woman’s voice.

“Get the car keys we have to go to the hospital.” Before Clarke could open her mouth to ask why, Abby already had the answer on her tongue, “It’s Raven. She’s hurt.”

Clarke nodded and scrambled to get her shoes on as Abby talked to Jake on the phone and informed him to meet them at the hospital as soon as possible.

The car ride was silent until Clarke spoke up from the driver’s seat, “What happened?”

Abby was internally struggling. Should she tell Clarke what she knows and leave her in the dark about what she doesn’t? Or should she not tell her at all so that there’s nothing but everything to worry about?

Was it better to have little information about your sibling in the hospital or none?

Abby decided that it was best to let Clarke know the same things she was told. Clarke was an adult now, 20 years young, she could handle it.

“There was a drive by. She was on her daily run. God, I told her she shouldn’t run so late but she’s an adult now I can’t stop her from doing those things anymore!”

Abby’s head dropped into her hands and for a fraction of a second she let the maternal side of her come out as a sob escaped her lips. Before Clarke could even reach over and comfort her mother, Abby had taken a deep breath and recollected herself, Dr. Abby back in full gear.

Clarke understood what her mom was doing, she was going to have to do the same thing in 5 years’ time. Abby was a doctor. She was one of the most respected doctors in New York so you can imagine that she’s had difficulties in her career.

One of the first things Abby realized that she would have to do as a doctor was give bad news because sometimes there was no good news. Abby had to explain to a family that with everything she knew how to do, they still wouldn’t have their kid back. She had to explain to a child that their parent is gone and they will never see them again. She’s had to explain it all. That’s why Abby knew that she had to separate her own feelings from her job. She couldn’t allow herself to feel anything as a doctor because it made things too hard. Too personal.

So when Clarke saw her mother in her “Doctor Mode”, as Raven called it, she knew that she would need to do the same thing immediately before her mind had time to process the information her mother had just presented to her.

Finding a spot to park in the hospital’s parking lot felt like it took longer than actually getting to the medical building. Both women just wanted to get out of the cramped car that Abby wouldn’t exchange no matter how many times Raven told her that it was on the brink of breaking down. They just wanted to be able to make sure that Raven was okay.

Neither woman wanted to hear anything but good news. But Raven wasn’t okay. There was no actual good news. She was alive, in surgery, the bullet on the left side of her abdomen was being removed. After Abby asked the nurse at the front desk about ‘Raven Reyes Griffin’ the nurse quickly pulled up her file and told the eldest Griffin woman that other than the surgery, the bullet might have moved into Raven’s spine due to the fall she took after the little piece of metal entered her body. The nurse told them Raven was lucky, it could have been worse.

Clarke couldn’t help but glare at the nurse. She hated hearing the word lucky used for hospital patients. If they were lucky they wouldn’t be there in the first place. She didn’t get why it was considered lucky to end up in the hospital in a semi-fixable position. It wasn’t luck if you ended up damaged in the first place, it was pure chance. The fixable part was all science. No luck.

Abby was dying to see her eldest daughter but she knew she couldn’t. That was the one problem with being a doctor. Abby, one of the best doctors in the state, couldn’t do anything to help her own daughter because according to Opinion 8.19 of the American Medical Association Code of Medical Ethics, physicians should not treat themselves or immediate family members due to the chance that their professional medical judgment would be compromised because of personal feelings and objectivity.

The good thing about Abby being a doctor was that at least the nurses kept her updated on Raven’s condition without trying to fluff the situation. If she wanted to know something she could ask a nurse, or she could talk to the head of the hospital, who she knew personally, and they would be glad to let her see Raven’s file.  
Clarke on the other hand was struggling. She was doing a better job of holding herself together than she thought she would but she on the other hand let her mind run rampant with all the possible outcomes of Raven’s incident. And that included all the negatives.

Clarke didn’t want to lose Raven. Never did she think that she would lose her best friend, her sister, she just couldn’t imagine it. She couldn’t think of having to live without Raven because Raven completed her. Maybe not the same way Lexa did, but Raven was her sister and she was always there. There was never a time where Clarke wasn’t there for Raven or a time where Raven wasn’t there for Clarke. They were connected and Clarke couldn’t just sit and wait to know if a stupid bullet would take that connection away from her, so she paced.

Abby complained about Clarke’s pacing 2 hours into Raven’s surgery and Clarke sat back down again next to Jake, who joined them between hour zero and hour 1.

This was going to be a long night

 

-

 

By hour 4 the doctors finished operating on Raven. They managed to remove the bullet but they told the rest of the Griffin family that due to the bullet moving back to Raven’s spine, they wouldn’t know if she had any damage to her central nervous system (CNS) until she woke up. Both Abby and Clarke already knew that if Raven had any damage to her CNS she most likely had some damage to her peripheral nervous system (PNS) as well. The two went hand in hand. If the CNS, which was made of the spinal cord and the brain, was affected, then the PNS, which consisted of the rest of the human body, was most likely going to be affected too.

Jake on the other hand didn’t understand it. He wasn’t one for ‘medical talk’. He was an engineer. But not a doctor. Computer codes and tough calculations were his specialty. That and cars, he understood cars. But Medicine went over his head completely. He may have been married to a doctor and his younger daughter was on her way to being just as good of a doctor as her mother, but in those 25 years, it never once rubbed off on him.

Raven was just like him. Except that if she wanted to she could learn medicine and practice it for a living, it just wasn’t her calling. She let it go over her head because it wasn’t interesting to her. And just like Jake she liked cars, she liked experimenting with chemicals and working to build new gadgets. She liked science, it was always her best subject. And just like Jake, she was on her way to being an engineer. But not a computer engineer, a chemical engineer.

 

-

 

By hour 6 Abby, Jake, and Clarke were sitting in Raven’s room waiting for her to regain consciousness. It was around 4 in the morning but no one felt remotely tired in the physical sense. No one was willing to let their eyes close for more than a fraction of a second, just in case the eldest Griffin daughter would awaken.

 

-

 

During hour 7 when Clarke’s eyes were finally growing heavy and the sun was starting to come out from behind the horizon Raven let out a groan and the whole room stilled. Suddenly, Clarke wasn’t tired anymore and Abby was on her feet and next to Raven’s bed before she could even open her eyes. Jake joined Abby on the other side of the bed just as Raven’s eyes opened only to be hit with bright light and so she shut them again and groaned. Clarke, who was at the foot of Raven’s bed, walked to the light switch and pushed it down, leaving the only light in the room to  
come from outside the window.

Clarke joined the rest of her family around the bed to be met with Raven’s chocolate brown eyes staring straight at her, avoiding her parents questioning eyes.

Clarke understood Raven not wanting to talk about what happened. Not now, not yet. She just needed some time to process what happened before she was asked question she had no answer to and her mom would start crying tears of sadness even though she was alive and fine.

Raven understood crying tears of joy but what she never understood was why people in hospitals cried tears of sadness when something good happened. She was in hospitals a lot, her mom would take her and Clarke to visit and learn about medicine.

Clarke liked learning about medical procedures and different autoimmune diseases and Raven liked learning new things too but she enjoyed seeing the people in the hospital more. She didn’t want to see her mother perform surgeries on dying people, she preferred to watch how people reacted to certain situations. She liked to observe.

Raven saw a lot of tears in her life and in her 21 years, she never understood why human felt the need to cry at the sadness that could have happened rather than the happiness that did happen.

Before Abby or Jake could plummet Raven with question about what happened, Clarke spoke up to distract them, “How are you feeling Rae?”

Raven was glad she had Clarke. She was glad her sister understood her and even though she wanted those questions answered too, she knew that Raven needed time first.

“I feel well; I think I’m alright. My stomach hurts but it’s okay. I’m guessing I’m on some pain medication. Morphine?” Raven asked pointing to the IV drip in her arm as Abby nodded.

“That’s good, baby. I’m glad you’re feeling okay.” Jake spoke up for the first time in hours, finding his words again as his daughters bright eyes found his own.

“Shouldn’t we get a doctor?” Raven’s voice was still hoarse as she spoke again. Jake let out a chuckle and handed Raven a cup of water from the bedside table as Clarke and Abby smiled letting Raven remember that they had 1 and one half doctors in the room already.

“Right, never mind.” Raven finished her water and handed the cup back to her father.

“I’m going to go grab a few things and I’ll be back in a second to do the routine check up on you.” Abby was already walking out of the room as she spoke, rushing to grab whatever she needed from a nurse to make sure that her daughter was perfectly healthy. She knew that technically she wasn’t supposed to treat Raven at all but this was a basic routine checkup. She couldn’t mess this up even if she tried.

As Abby returned with a stethoscope, a penlight, and an otoscope, Jake grabbed the remote on the side of Raven’s bed to raise the frame up so Raven would be more sitting than lying down.

Abby went for the most vital organ in the human body first. She checked Raven’s heartbeat manually even though the monitors were projecting it 24/7, just to make sure. At the same time Clarke had taken it upon herself to check Raven out using the otoscope, first telling her to say “ahhh” and stick her tongue out to check her tonsils and tongue. Clarke pressed a tongue depressor down onto Raven’s tongue, then she checked around her mouth for anything out of the ordinary and when she found nothing, she moved to her sister’s ears.

At this point Abby had concluded that the monitor projecting Raven’s heartbeat was working properly and that Raven’s heart rhythm was perfectly fine. Clarke tickled Raven’s ears with the otoscope as she checked Raven’s ear canal and tympanic membrane.

Jake just watched his daughter and his wife work their magic as he stood by Raven’s bedside, making sure not to get into anyone’s way. He felt kind of bad for his oldest daughter. He knew that both of the blonde Griffin’s worked quick without any interruption which meant that Raven’s normal sarcastic self and her charm wasn’t going to work in this situation. And he would never admit this but Jake always thought that Raven got her sarcastic ways from him.

Hell, he and Raven were so much alike the only thing different about them was how they looked. Just like Clarke was a miniature Abby in almost every way possible, Raven was a younger version of Jake. (But the female version)

Once Clarke finished checking Raven’s lungs and intestinal tract with the stethoscope, and Abby finished checking Raven’s pupils and eye movement with the penlight, Raven was just about ready to call it a day and go home. But she knew that she would have to be in the hospital for at least another day.

She had been shot after all.

Abby took her time explaining to Raven where the bullet was and how it moved from her abdomen to her spine. Raven was pretty sure Abby mentioned the nervous system a few times but she wasn’t paying much attention. She was trying to figure out if she could move everything like normal.

Abby instructed her to lift both arms straight across her body and she did easily. She wiggled her fingers one by one as Clarke took her hands and played around with her fingers to check their motion. So far everything worked in the top third of her body. She was moving her head around, her arms, her fingers, she moved her shoulders around for the hell of it.

Clarke, by her mother’s instruction, then took off the blanket that was on Raven’s legs and handed it to her father who set in on a chair. Abby sat down next to Raven’s left leg, grabbing the penlight again.

“Can you feel this, honey?” She tapped Raven’s left thigh multiple times going up and down to just above her knee.

Raven nodded her response watching as her mom did the same with the other leg and nodding again when Abby asked about that leg.

Abby handed over the penlight to Clarke so she could examine the bottom half of Raven’s legs.

Clarke tapped lightly with the penlight onto Raven’s patellar tendon. Raven’s leg jerked a little in response and Clarke took that as a good sign.

“Can you wiggle your toes for me?” Raven giggled a little at her sister being all hard and professional as she wiggled the toes on her right leg.

“Good.” Clarke grabbed Raven’s ankle motioning for her to bend her knee upwards and lift her leg off of the bed.

“Tell me if any of this hurts.” Raven gave Clarke a little solute as the blonde checked the motion in Raven’s ankle. Clarke, just because she wanted to be extra careful with her sister, ran her hands up Raven’s calf as she asked Raven if she could feel what  
Clarke was doing.

When Raven answered with a ‘yes’, Clarke moved on to her left foot.

Clarke used the penlight to tap right below Raven’s knee cap, on the patellar tendon and noticed the jerk of Raven’s left leg.

Good.

This was good.

“Okay now wiggle your toes for me.” Raven did as she was told.

Clarke looked up at a smiling Raven.

“Rae, wiggle your toes.” Clarke’s voice was a little suspicious.

“I am.” Raven answered and looked down at her nonresponding leg. “Mom I can’t move my toes!” Raven’s breathing was a little heavier now. She was panicking.

Abby moved to check Raven left leg again.

“You can feel this right?” Raven nodded as Abby tapped her left thigh again.

“How about this?” Abby placed her hand on Raven’s ankle and Raven shook her head.

“I can’t move my left leg?” Raven asked. “But I can pick it up see?” Raven lifted her whole leg up only to hiss at the pain she felt in her stomach.

“Raven you have no motion below your knee.” Jake took Raven’s hand in his as they both listened to Abby.

“The bullet must have lodged in your back and damaged part of your central nervous system. That means that the signals sent by motor neurons can’t function and send the correct messages to your leg to function properly, or at all, which means that your peripheral nervous system, your motor functions, have been damaged.”

Raven wasn’t sure what medical terms her mom was talking about but she understood one thing, she couldn’t move her left leg below the knee.

“This might not be permanent though. You may develop feeling in your leg over time.” Clarke added trying to help the situation.

Jake squeezed her hand as her eyes met his and she could see that he was trying hard not to cry as well. On the other side of the bed a sniffle was heard, Abby’s ‘doctor face’ gone and now just Abby worrying for her child was there.

Clarke was silent, several tears were rolling down her cheeks as she starred at Raven’s leg as if some hard concentration could will Raven to have usage of her leg again.

Raven was the only one not crying.

She couldn’t.

She was too shocked to do anything other than just sit there and think of what this meant.

She didn’t feel like herself anymore.

She didn’t feel like Raven.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven realizes that not everything sucks and she has a little more hope.

At this point there wasn’t much anyone could do. The Griffin family had moved on from their sadness to trying to figure out a way to get Raven usage of her leg back.

Raven on the other hand just sat there, still stunned.

How could she not use her leg anymore?

She had to use it. She went to the gym every other day, she had her daily jogs, her car shop couldn’t keep running if she couldn’t move around to fix the cars. She couldn’t be in a wheelchair for heaven’s sake she wouldn’t allow it. Raven’s leg was something that was vital to her. She needed it.

“Maybe I should try to stand.” Raven was already getting up as the words left her mouth.

Jake, who was closest to the bed, grabbed Raven’s upper arm to stop her because neither of them knew if this was a good idea or not. Abby’s moment of hesitation allowed Clarke to replace Jake’s position and help her sister get her right leg off of the bed.

“Be careful not to rip your stitches, babe.” Raven nodded and grabbed onto Clarke to stabilize herself.

Her bare foot hit the cold tile floor with a thud. She felt weaker, but at least she could feel.

Raven tried to lift her whole left leg up from her waist but the muscles were sore and it put too much pressure on her wound. When Clarke realized that Raven was struggling she gently lifted her sister’s leg from the bed and placed it on the ground next to the mechanic’s other foot.

This time Raven didn’t feel the cold sensation of the floor. She could see the skin of her foot meeting the ground. She could tell what it should feel like. But she didn’t feel it.

“Raven, maybe this isn’t the best idea.” Abby didn’t want to give her daughter false hope. There was a chance that if she could properly stand on her leg that all of the functions of the limb weren’t totally gone. But there was more of a chance that the muscle’s in the leg were responding to the pressure and because Raven generally kept herself fit, the muscles would hold her up to a certain point but in weeks, maybe months, once Raven can’t keep those muscles strong, they also wouldn’t respond to the pressure and they’d give out. And Abby didn’t want Raven to think that this necessarily meant something good. That if she could stand on her leg she was going to be okay. Because nothing in medicine was ever 100% certain. Nothing was ever even close.

Clarke, who knew the same things her mother was thinking, chose to look at the fact that some good come potentially come out of this. Even if it was less likely.

“She should try to stand on it. It’s okay, mom.” Clarke motioned for the elder Griffin to stand up. Raven used Clarke’s arms to help her up but she didn’t let go once she was standing.

“Stitches okay?” Clarke asked placing her hand over Raven’s stomach to make sure that the stitches were still intact. She didn’t need to see Raven nod.

“Is your weight distributed evenly?” Clarke asked stepping back a little to get a better look at Raven’s legs but never letting go of the brown eyed girl.

Raven shrugged. How could she know if she felt the same amount of pressure on both legs if she couldn’t even feel one of them.

“Try to lift your right foot a little.” Clarke motioned for Jake to take her position instead. If Raven fell, he would be her best support system. Clarke wasn’t nearly as strong and Raven was already taller than her, she would have trouble holding Raven up on her own.

Raven did as she was told once she felt comfortable with her hold on her father. Her foot barely came off the floor before she slipped forward her face squishing into Jake’s green work shirt.

“Alright try again.” Jake said as he helped Raven back to having both of her feet on the ground.

Raven, yet again, lifted her right foot off the floor. This time she went slower and made sure to hold onto Jake tighter. Her leg was a few inches off the floor before she looked down to see her left foot start to slide forward and she immediately placed her right foot firmly on the ground.

“What does this mean?” Raven asked looking towards her mom who hadn’t said anything yet, still lost in thought.

“It could mean many things. I don’t want you to get your hopes up but this might be good. It seems that the muscles in your leg are still responding even though the nerves are not.” Raven sat down on the bed again and continued listening to Abby.

“Your muscles are still strong. For now, they can hold you up. If you don’t regain movement in your leg, then the muscles will decay quickly. If that happens you’re going to need to go physical therapy for a long time. If the feeling does come back to your left leg and your PNS isn’t completely shattered, then you will be able to most likely walk on the foot but not without support. And you will still have to go to physical therapy for some time.”

The whole family listened as Abby talked to Raven. They all knew not to hope for anything good but Clarke and Jake were both very optimistic and they couldn’t help themselves. Raven and Abby, well, they weren’t so optimistic. They both didn’t hope for anything other than what they had.

“So I’m going to need crutches for now and I might end up in a wheelchair at some point?” Raven lifted her legs onto the bed again with the help of Clarke.

“Crutches, yes. Right now you could end up in a wheelchair, or you might not. I don’t know.” Raven nodded as Abby placed the blanket at the foot of the bed back over her.

“So when do I get out of her?”

 

-

 

5 days.

They monitored Raven for 5 days.

It would have been 2 but Raven tore her stiches a few hours before she was allowed to leave because she tried to stand up again without assistance.

Clarke, Abby, and Jake, who were all back to doing their normal everyday routine, rushed back to the hospital only to be told that Raven was fine but had to get her stitches redone.

Chocolate eyes batted innocently in the direction of three sets of blue ones, as her parents and her sister entered the room to find her stitches being mended to.

Abby scolded her a few times. Then she scolded Jake for laughing when Raven told them exactly what happened. Clarke just sat down in the chair and let out a long sigh, no surprise that Raven would be so stubborn as to try to do things she wasn’t ready for.

When they brought Raven home, she was in a wheelchair. She was instructed not to use the crutches she was given until she had gone to see a physical therapist and they improved her balance first.

Raven thought that she would be just fine with the crutches but Abby knew who her daughter was so she stuck them in the back of her closet where Raven would never look.

 

-

 

A week later when Clarke came down from the university to pick Raven up, the older girl was still in a wheelchair.

Her first PT session hadn’t gone as planned. Her balance was way off and the muscles in both her legs were already growing weaker. She was given several exercises she could do to help maintain strength in her right leg and Raven didn’t want to admit it, but at this point she might need Clarke’s help with some of them.

“Make sure she’s not using her crutches!” Abby yelled out the front door at Clarke.

“And stay safe! The both of you!” Abby yelled again just as Jake was helping Raven settle into the car.

“Listen to you mother.” He kissed the older girls’ cheek and gave the blonde a hug before walking back to join his wife at the door.

“Whatever you say mom!” Raven yelled out of the passenger side window as Clarke started the car. Abby glared at the older girl and she immediately crouched down in her seat knowing that her mom was serious.

“Bye guys!” Clarke yelled out of Raven’s window as she pulled out of the driveway and headed down the road.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked Raven once they had reached the highway.

“Magnificent.” Raven turned the music up a little louder and let her window roll down.

And to Clarke’s surprise, Raven started singing along.

_“I act like I don't fucking care Cause I'm so fucking scared”_

And then Clarke realized.

Raven wasn’t going to show it. She was going to be her stubborn self. She was going to try to do things she knew she couldn’t. She wouldn’t accept being any different than before. She wouldn’t accept this new diagnosis she was given.

And Then Clarke realized.

Over all of those things, Raven was scared.

 

-

 

Clarke wanted to take Raven to her physical therapy. It had been three weeks since Raven’s first appointment and there was no improvement yet. She wished she could take her but Raven went three times during the week and Clarke couldn’t just skip work whenever she wanted. It wasn’t really work it was more an internship but she still got paid. She had to work at the hospital three days a week helping out in the ER and one of her work days ended up clashing with Raven’s physical therapy.

Abby had offered to come up to Raven’s apartment to take her herself but Clarke told her to that she would figure something out.

That something was Lexa.

Raven and Lexa actually met before Clarke and Lexa did. During freshman year, when Clarke was still in high school, they ended up having two of their classes together.

Both girls were at the top of their class and they dueled hard the whole year for the number one spot. A lot of the kids actually thought that they would end up killing each other for the spot before the school year ended, but to everyone’s surprise except the two girls, they used their drive to help each other.

They started studying together, quizzing each other on every single thing they learned no matter how trivial. Eventually they got to a point where they considered themselves friends. And even though Raven found Lexa’s formalities hilarious, and Lexa found Raven’s stubbornness to be over the top annoying, they were actually really close friends.

Clarke came into the picture a year after that. When the two girls turned sophomores and Clarke was making her transition from high school senior back to freshman status again.

One day when Lexa came over to Raven’s apartment to study, even though the girls didn’t have any classes together anymore they decided that they could help each other nonetheless, when she found Clarke there instead.

Clarke opened the door for her because Raven was busy in the other room on the phone with a client from her car shop and from that moment on Lexa didn’t just befriend one Griffin, but two.

Later in that year Lexa, after Raven’s constant pushing, finally got the courage to ask Clarke out on a date.

Raven always thought that if her best friend and her sister ended up together it would be awkward for her but she actually found it very comforting.

This was she knew her sister would end up with someone who she knew personally which means that she didn’t have to terrorize them first and make sure they wouldn’t hurt Clarke, and she also knew that her best friend would have someone just as right for her because she knew her sister just as well, if not more.

Now two years later both Clarke and Lexa spent a lot of their time at Raven’s apartment, to Raven’s annoyance.

She did do it to herself though. When Octavia, Clarke’s dorm roommate and best friend started dating this one guy Clarke complained about how she “just had to get out of there” because they were “like actual rabbits 24/7” she told Clarke that she could use the second bedroom for whatever she needed and ‘till this day Clarke has still held Raven up to that offer, and that somehow translated over to Lexa as well.

Honestly, Raven had no problem with Lexa and Clarke being in her apartment anyways. She was usually at the car shop in her free time or at the gym so the apartment wasn’t much use to her during the day.

So when Lexa appeared at Raven’s apartment 2 hours prior to Raven’s appointment, on a day where Clarke wasn’t even there, Raven was not at all surprised.

In fact, before Lexa could join Raven on the couch, Raven pointed to the pantry and signaled for Lexa to grab her a snack before she joined her. Raven mumbled a “thank you” to Lexa when she handed her the bag of potato chips, never once taking her eyes off the TV screen.

 

-

 

“Raven come on you only have a few more exercises to do.” Lexa tried to get Raven to sit up but Raven was not having any of it. Raven just let out a huff and folded her arms across her chest which would have looked a lot more stubborn if she wasn’t pouting up at Lexa from where she was lying flat on her back on the floor.

“Come on kid.” Lexa sat down next to Raven.

“Lexa, get your hand off of my leg you’re tickling me.” Raven squirmed underneath Lexa’s hand which was casually moving up and down her leg. Lexa reluctantly moved her hand away.

“Wait, Lex.” Raven pushed herself up so she was leaning back on her elbows.

“Which leg did you just touch?” Raven didn’t want to assume anything even though she was pretty sure it was her left leg.

“The left one why?” Lexa’s confused expression told Raven that she didn’t understand what Raven might have.

“Do it again.”

Lexa placed her hand back onto Raven’s left leg and looked back at Raven.

“Wait move your hand around.” By now Lexa had caught on to what Raven was thinking.

“Lay back down see if you can feel it without actually seeing my hand. Your brain might be messing with you Rae.” Lexa waited until Raven’s back was on the matted ground before she poked around Raven’s leg some more.

“Am I touching your leg now?” Lexa asked her hand meeting the back of Raven’s calf. Raven nodded in response.

“How about now?” Raven shook her head and bit her lip. Maybe she doesn’t actually have all the feeling back.

“Good. I wasn’t actually touching you this time I just wanted to make sure you could tell the difference.” Lexa poked around a few more times and continued asking Raven if she could feel Lexa’s hand and both girls were overjoyed and surprised that Raven seemed to have full feeling in her leg again.

 

-

 

“How does that even make sense?” Raven asked Lexa when they had gotten back to the apartment to find Clarke in the kitchen reading over some material she was studying in class.

“How does what make sense?” Clarke looked up from her reading.

“My leg.” Raven sat down across from Clarke and let her crutches settle onto the ground beside her.

“I can feel now. I can’t move it myself but when Lexa touched my leg I could feel her hand.” Clarke turned to Lexa for conformation at the news.

“Raven that’s great!” Clarke reached over the table and took Raven’s hand in hers.

“What probably happened was that you were shot your body went into shock and because of the movement of the bullet your brain misinterpreted the signals it was receiving so that it basically thought that it couldn’t connect to your leg but once you started working on keeping your leg healthy eventually your brains confusion vanished.”

“Isn’t my girlfriend just the smartest?” Lexa asked from where she was sitting in the adjacent room watching old ‘Friends’ reruns on the television.

“Nah, she’s just a really big nerd.” Raven got up from her chair and made her way over to join Lexa on the couch with help from her crutches.

“Rae, I know you’re jealous and all but there’s no need to be rude.” Clarke stuck her tongue out at Raven and decided to join the other two girls on the couch.

Before either one of them could protest Clarke laid across the couch onto both girls, her head landing in Lexa’s lap and her legs splayed over Raven’s. The older Griffin mumbled something about how gross feet are but she didn’t make any notion to move Clarke’s legs form her lap.

And when Raven suddenly woke up at two in the morning with a foot in her face, she looked over to find Clarke and Lexa tangled up next to her and in that moment she couldn’t help but smile knowing that no matter how hard dealing with her leg was going to be, she had her friends and family to go through that journey with her.

 

-

 

“Octavia! Get your stinky legs off of the dining table! I eat on there!” Clarke pushed her best friend’s legs off of Raven’s dining table just as said girl walked into the room. (well she hobbled. She left her crutches in the living room and she was too lazy to grab them even though her leg hurt like hell).

“Actually Clarke you usually eat on the floor in front of the TV. I’m usually the one who eats like a civil person at the table.” Clarke pouted at Raven’s claim but didn’t try to refute it.

“Hey Raven?” Octavia hadn’t seen Clarke’s older sister in weeks and she was curious about what had happened. She didn’t mean to pry but Octavia tended to act before she had the time to think about what she was doing.

“Did they catch the guy who did that to you?” Clarke shifted in her seat not knowing how Raven would deal with the question. It wasn’t really a hard question but no one asked Raven anything about the accident. Everyone knew that Raven had her way of dealing with things and asking about it wasn’t going to get you anywhere.

“Yeah they got him. Apparently he and his gang or crew or whatever mistook me for someone else.” Clarke waited for Octavia to ask her next question, knowing full well that when Octavia gets curious, she isn’t afraid to ask.

“Does it hurt?” Octavia motioned to Raven’s leg but didn’t dare touch it. She wasn’t going to be stupid and touch it if it hurts.

“Like a bitch. But I can move it a bit more now.” Raven shifted her weight to her right leg and picked up her left leg off the floor, slowly moving her knee back and forth to prove her point.

“That’s great Raven. I’m glad you’re okay.” Octavia smiled at the brunette and went back to her homework, immedietly conversing with Clarke about something involving the human body.

Raven thought she heard the words ‘spinal cord’ being spoken but she was already making her way over to grab some chips so she couldn’t tell.

Raven wasn’t even sure why Octavia and Clarke were talking about human anatomy. Clarke talking about it made sense, she was going to be a doctor. Even Lexa talking about the human anatomy made sense because it was Lexa and she wanted to learn as much as she could about everything she could, even though she was going into architecture.

But Octavia? Octavia hated having to learn new things if they didn’t help her. She didn’t need to know the human anatomy to work in marketing.

Even in high school Raven remembered having Octavia over at the Griffin household and hearing Clarke whine about Octavia not helping her study.

This was new.

Maybe Octavia was growing up.

Raven really hoped Octavia was growing up. She was a great person in and out but she had this charm about her that didn’t portray her as an adult, more like the rebellious teenager instead.

So for Octavia’s own sake in the world, she hoped the girl was growing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me @bluee-eyed-glory on tumblr


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> car shops, coping, and feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I lied. Octavia was in the last chapter.  
> I meant to have Bellamy in the last chapter instead and Octavia in this one but I switched them.  
> Also I'm super busy this week so the next update probably won't be before next week but I'll try.  
> It's a little shorter today but it's heavy.  
> Anyways, enjoy  
> And thanks for reading

Weeks had passed and Raven was still in pain with little use of her leg. By this point she could stand on it for a few seconds before the pain was too much to handle, but a few seconds was all she needed whenever she placed weight on it when she walked.

Abby had come up to Raven’s apartment to check up on her and Clarke and she came bearing gifts, sort of. Abby had brought Raven a prototype of a newer design for a leg brace. The one she had on before wasn’t nearly as useful as the one Abby had given her. The old one just held her foot in place but this new one, well it moved with her and made sure that her leg was moving correctly.

(Abby brought Clarke a pizza and Raven was pretty sure that she hadn’t seen Clarke so happy about food since when they were little and Clarke had eaten a full 4 slices of cake at her birthday party.)

It was finals month though so Raven couldn’t blame her.

(Clarke hadn’t left the apartment in days and she only got up from her study corner to pee. Raven barely saw Clarke eat at all this week.)

The brace still limited Raven’s movements but she could actually bend her knee so instead of wobbling she was actually walking a little better. She still had to use the crutches whenever she went outside of her house but it was getting there.

It’s been about 5 weeks since Raven’s accident which means that her shop has been running without her for 5 weeks. She put Bellamy in charge whenever she was out so he already knew to fill her position again this time, although she still called in every few days to check that everything was okay.

Bellamy was working at the shop mainly for Octavia. He was already in his senior year at NYU getting his masters in teaching. Octavia on the other hand wasn’t even halfway through college and Bellamy felt the need to make sure his sister didn’t have to worry about anything financial related when it came to school. All he needed her to do was to pass, he would take care of the rest.

_My sister, my responsibility_

That’s what he always used to say whenever anyone questioned him about his protectiveness of Octavia. They needed each other. It’s all they had.

When he saw Raven’s beat up pickup pull up next to the garage he immediately excused himself from whatever Miller was saying to help Raven maneuver out of the blue vehicle.

Raven, in Raven-like fashion, tried to shove him away and do things herself but he was standing right at the car door so she had no choice but to let him pull her up and out of the car.

Raven leaned on the side of the car, favoring her good leg, as Bellamy leaned over the center consul from the driver’s side to grab Raven’s crutches.

“How was the drive over?” Bellamy handed Raven her crutches, letting her walk by herself but sticking right by her side in case she needed his help.

“T’wasn’t so bad. I can still drive, my right leg is fine but getting in and out of the car, especially a taller truck, is kind of exhausting.” Raven motioned back to her car with a tilt of her head as Bellamy pulled the shop door open and held the door as Raven walked inside.

“If you’d like we could lower the suspension system on the car so that it wouldn’t be so high up.” Bellamy moved behind the counter next to the entrance and into an office, Raven’s office. She followed behind him and plopped herself down in a chair when she got into the room.

“God there’s no way I’m letting you do that. I don’t want to ruin my car, she’s a beauty, and I definitely don’t need any accommodation’s. I can handle myself and this damn leg.” Raven pulled out some charts from a drawer next to the desk.

“I see Murphy has come in a few times in the last few weeks. What did he do to his car that he needed to come in 4 separate times?” Raven already knew what he needed because it was written down on his file but she still felt like asking.

“I’m honestly not sure. He came in for an oil change at first and then for some new tires. But the last two times his car was perfectly fine. He was complaining about it making a ‘funny noise’,” Bellamy made air quotations with his hands, “but I didn’t hear anything wrong with the car so I sent him home.”

Raven snickered. “Before or after you guys fucked in the bathroom?” She said the words under her breathe but once she looked up at Bellamy, his face red and wide-eyed, she knew he heard her.

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy looked panicked. “John and I are just friends.” The bushy haired boy was biting his lip hard knowing that he didn’t really sound believable. Maybe the average person would have believed him but he and Raven knew each other since they were kids, she knew him too well to be fooled by his lies.

“Okay Bell, just by the fact that you call him John instead of Murphy proves to me that you actually care about him.” There was a knowing smirk on Raven’s face, half because she was right but the other half was a genuine joy for her two friends. They’ve been tip toeing around this subject since Murphy and Raven were juniors in high school and Bellamy was a senior.

Raven knew something would happen she just didn’t know when. “Look nothing happened I swear. We’ve gone out a few times though and I guess we’re sort of like boyfriends now?” Bellamy’s nose scrunched up. “It’s something but we haven’t talked about it yet so please keep it lowkey.” Bellamy pleaded with the Latina.

“Fine I won’t say anything.” Raven let out an over-dramatic sigh. “But just so you know we’ve all just been waiting for you two. It’s not going to be a surprise to anyone. I personally have always rooted for you guys.”

That put a smile on Bellamy’s face. It made him happy that one of the closest friends he had approved of his yet to be official boyfriend, now as long as everyone else, especially his little sister, approved, he would be the happiest boy in the world.

Before the two could continue talking about Bellamy’s love life, Miller appeared at the door of Raven’s office and asked about switching shifts. Bellamy excused himself and Miller took his place across from Raven and they went over the changes.

“How’s your leg?” Miller asked just as he was about to head out. “Octavia said that you couldn’t feel or move it before but it got better and now you can.” He pointed to Raven’s obviously working leg.

“When did you talk to Octavia?” Raven avoided the initial question, more curious about when Octavia had talked to one of Bellamy’s friends and why.

“Oh, I dunno. She came in a week or two ago and had lunch with Bellamy and she hung around here a bit so I got around to talking to her.” Raven nodded her head slowly.

“Alright get back to work, Nate.” Raven shooed the boy out of her office without further questions. She had a lot to do, 5 weeks’ worth of work, she needed to start as soon as she could.

 

-

 

“Raven! Get out of there! Abby was very persistent on making sure you weren’t going to start moving around the shop fixing things today.” Bellamy squatted down so he could see Raven, who was on a creeper and underneath one of the cars in the shop, probably checking the oil.

“When did you talk to Abby?” Raven dropped her tools down onto the sliding creeper beside her leg and used the bottom of the car to push herself out from underneath it. She sat up on the rolling bench and waited for the curly haired boys’ response.

“She called in a bit ago. I think Clarke told her you were coming in today.” The boy automatically took a more defensive stance, (as defensive as he could while he was crouching), because he had no idea how Raven would respond.

It’s not that Raven didn’t know how to accept when someone said ‘no’, it was more that when it was about her ability to do something, she wouldn’t let herself say ‘no’.

And now, having Bellamy tell her that Abby asked for her not to do a certain action because of her leg, the oldest Blake knew that Raven would probably want to do it even more just to prove that she can.

(And if he argued with her about it she might yell at him and he would never admit it to anyone but Raven always scared him just a tad bit whenever she yelled.)

He always found her intimidating because of the aura she passes off. She’s never been a shy kid, she’s strives for number one and she lets absolutely nothing or no one stop her.

Bellamy’s always admired that about Raven. That was partially what made him want to become a teacher. He wanted to be able to teach kids how to use their own drive and ambition and turn it into something great.

“Okay. Well I’m going to go back to fixing the car,” Raven pointed at the black BMW behind her, “You can tell Abby whatever you want. She’s not here to stop me.”

Raven was just about to slide back underneath the car when Bellamy’s foot trapped one of the wheels of the roller in place.

“How about this. You finish this car, but after that you’re done for the day. Okay?”

Bellamy knew Raven couldn’t not take that offer. He was not only letting her finish working, something that she wanted to do, but he was also kind of getting Abby’s instruction in there to a certain extent and Raven didn’t want her mom to get too mad at her for not listening about her leg.

“Fine. But not because you asked. Because my mom did.”

Bellamy stuck his tongue out at Raven and moved his foot so she could go back to working on the car.

“Go fuck your boyfriend!” Raven’s muffled voice came out from underneath the car causing Miller and a few other workers to stare at a red faced Bellamy.

Before anyone could ask anything the bushy haired boy had already sprinted out of the room and into the general store area, away to where Jasper was.

 

-

 

“What did you do?” Clarke’s ton of voice was full of accusation. Blue eyes scanned the living room couch. Raven had an ice pack pressed into her left leg, right below the brace she had on. The blonde wasn’t wrong to think that Raven did something to hurt her leg even further, but Raven wouldn’t let her know that.

Raven shrugged, not wanting to lie to Clarke but at the same time not wanting to tell her.

“So you didn’t accidentally hurt yourself at the shop? More specifically when you were trying to change a tire?” In any other situation, Clarke would have found Raven hurting herself to be funny because it happened all the time, but if she made her leg worse that was serious.

“I’m going to kill Bellamy.” Raven said through gritted teeth. She didn’t need both her mom and her sister yelling at her for hurting herself. Especially since Bellamy already did a little bit because she still tried to keep working on the cars even though she told him she wouldn’t.

“Actually I talked with Nathan. He called to ask me about a few things for finals and I asked him how you did today because I knew you wouldn’t tell me. At least not the whole story.” Clarke motioned to the ice pack on her sister’s leg disapprovingly.

Raven let out a huff before taking the ice pack off her leg and shifting so both her legs where on the ground in front of her.

“Listen I really don’t need a lecture I already got one from Bell.”

What the mechanic really meant was that she didn’t want her sister to show just how much disapproval she had for Raven’s stubbornness but she felt too much pride to admit that she shouldn’t have continued to try something she knew she would most likely not succeed at, not yet anyway.

“I’m not going to yell at you, Rae. It’s your life, you can do whatever you want.” That got Raven’s attention. Clarke rarely ever let Raven off the hook when it came to things that were so serious.

“I mean, I’m not saying that I approve of your stubbornness, it leads you to trouble a lot of the time, but it is your life and your leg. If you want to risk damaging it even more, who am I to stop you.” Clarke moved to sit down next to Raven on the couch.

“It’s just unfair.” Raven’s voice quivered.

Her throat felt tighter and her words came out low and messy. Her chest felt like it was crashing down on top of itself and there was nothing she could do about it.

“What’s unfair?” Clarke’s question came out slow and unsure.

“My goddamn leg!” Raven voice broke as the words left her mouth. The heaviness in her chest felt a little lighter as a sob escaped her lips. A tear fell down her cheek, her hand automatically came up to wipe it away before Clarke noticed. But the other girl couldn’t have missed it, she was watching her the whole time.

“It’s just-” Another sob and more tears. Raven lifted her hands to cover her face. Frustrated, she let her elbows drop down to lean on her legs, her face still covered by oil stained hands.

Clarke opted not to say anything, instead to give Raven time to say whatever she wanted to say. She placed her hand on her older sister’s back, hand circling softly.

“It’s just that I don’t understand why it happened to me.” Raven squished the words all into one breath, her chest back to the heaviness it was before.

“It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything wrong!” Chocolate brown eyes appeared from being hidden behind those greasy hands. “I don’t understand why I am now suffering something that shouldn’t be mine. Why me? Why am I now handicapped? Why am I useless now? I can’t even fix a damn car like I used to!”

Those words echoed off the walls and made Clarke’s skin crawl.

“Rae, you’re not useless. It’s just going to take some time.” Clarke tried comforting the older girl as best she could.

“No, Clarke!” Raven didn’t know how to explain to Clarke what she was feeling. “Whatever I do, no matter how long I wait and let my leg get better, I will never be _fine_.” Raven used her long sleeves to wipe at her tears. “My leg will never be what it was before. I don’t need more time, Clarke, I need something to take back time. I need this to have never happened.”

Her voice shook with every word but not as bad as before. She was slowly composing herself again after finally letting herself feel.

“Rae, it’s going to be hard. I don’t know how you feel because I’m not you but I know you. I know that whatever comes your way, you always find a way to make things okay. You always find a way. This might be the hardest thing you’re ever going to have to do, but you’re not doing this alone.” Clarke reached over and grabbed Raven’s hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Mom, dad, me, we’re all here for you okay?” Clarke used her other hand to wipe a lone tear that Raven had missed from her cheek. “We’re going to figure out a way for you to go back to feel like yourself again, ok?” Raven nodded, a small but still sad smile let itself creep up onto her lips.

“You’ll get through this. I promise.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Raven have a chat.
> 
> Also Octaven.

“How drunk are you?” Raven yelled over the music that was blasting out of the speaker system in the corner of the room.

When Clarke didn’t hear her she poked her side to get her attention and yelled again.

“Clarke how many drinks have you had?” The blonde mumbled an incoherent answer and went back to dancing.

“Where’s Lexa?” Raven tried asking another question.

It was a Friday night and parties were pretty common. Raven didn’t usually go and if she did it was because her sister dragged her to one to ‘let loose’.

Lexa usually accompanied the girls to these parties to chaperone Clarke since she herself didn’t drink but Raven couldn’t spot the other girl anywhere. Clarke hadn’t mentioned her so Raven just assumed that they would all be meeting here.

“She’s at home.” Clarke yelled back over the noise of the party. “Why? Does it matter?”

Raven shook her head and tipped her glass back finishing the liquid in it.

“We should go.” She tugged on Clarke’s arm to get her to follow her outside into the chilly night air.

It wasn’t exceptionally cold but it wasn’t warm enough to wear anything but a sweatshirt or a long sleeved shirt. Clarke’s skirt was definitely way too short for her not to feel the wind against her skin and in that moment Raven was really glad that she preferred skinny jeans over anything else.

The blonde stumbled in front of Raven and pulled her in the completely wrong direction to where Raven’s truck was parked.

Raven’s amusement of a drunk Clarke led the older girl to be dragged around the parking lot by the med student who was entirely lost on where she was heading.

Once Clarke started shivering from the cold Raven decided to lead the blonde to the truck and help her into the passenger side.

The engine was the first thing Raven turned on and the heater was second. Clarke might have been cold but so was Raven.

The first few minutes of the drive home where silent until Clarke decided to speak up.

“Hey Rae, do you remember Finn?” Raven chuckled at the name.

How could she forget Finn? The first boy she gave her heart to and the first one to break it. He was her high school sweetheart, up until the point her decided to cheat on her.

“He was a real douche; you know that?” Clarke’s words slurred together making it hard for Raven to understand her.

“Yeah he was.” The other girl agreed, wondering why Clarke was talking about Finn in the first place.

“You’re too good for him. He really was a shitty person. He shouldn’t have cheated on you. Did you know that he tried to hit on me once?” Raven’s eyebrows raised at the accusation but it didn’t really surprise her, not anymore anyway.

“There was one day where he showed up at mom and dad’s house and he was drunk. I opened the door because you were out with mom and dad and he hit on me.” Clarke stated in a matter of fact tone.

“And what did you do?”

“I punched him.” Blue eyes fell to look at now what were now uninjured knuckles.

“Is that why he had a black eye for a week? He told me he got hit with a soccer ball.” Raven’s amusement could clearly be detected in her voice but Clarke, in her current state of mind, didn’t catch it.

“I didn’t mean to. But I didn’t like him. I never thought he was good enough for you. And I know you’ve gotten over him now but I know that it still scares you.”

Raven pulled up into her apartment’s parking spot and turned off the truck’s engine. Neither girl felt the need to get out of the car yet.

“What do you mean?” Brown eyes turned to completely face disheveled blonde hair and tired sky blue eyes.

“Getting your heart broken.” Clarke’s tone was all serious.

“I know it still scares you that you could potentially get your heart broken. That’s why it’s been 4 years since Finn and you haven’t dated anyone. That’s why you used Bellamy as your outlet. Because you knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t hurt you and there was no risk in him breaking your heart if he never had it in the first place.”

Raven palmed her knee above the brace that was situated on her leg.

“It’s okay to be scared. But don’t let that fear rule your life, Raven.”

And with that, Clarke got out of the car and headed inside to her sister’s apartment, leaving the older girl stunned and alone in the car.

The vehicle suddenly felt too hot and the walls felt too small as Raven tried to desperately scurry into the cold air of the night.

 

-

 

“Damn it she’s right.”

Raven and Lexa where sitting in the kitchen of the former’s apartment, Lexa on the counter and Raven at the little table in the corner.

“Who’s right?” Lexa grabbed a handful of the cereal from the box she was currently holding and started chewing loudly.

“Clarke.” Raven swished around the cereal in her milk until all the little pieces on her spoon were soaked in milk before she stuffed them in her mouth.

“Care to explain? I’m basically a genius but I can’t read minds.” Lexa said in between chewing some more cereal.

(It wasn’t even the kind she liked but Raven had run out of all the sugary one’s so Lexa settled for plain cereal instead.)

“Clarke was drunk yesterday when we got home and she started talking about Finn.” Lexa cringed at the mention of the boy but didn’t say anything.

“She told me that I’m scared of getting my heartbroken again. That yes I’m over Finn but I’m not over the idea that someone else could do the exact same thing he did, or worse. She’s right though. I may have not liked to hear it but she’s right, I am scared.”

Raven wasn’t sure Lexa would understand what she was trying to say. Usually the Latina had no problem wording things to make anyone understand her and even want to listen to her but when it came to her emotions she was blank.

When the Griffins first adopted her she had a little bit of a tough time really opening up to them because a change that big for a little kid was drastic, it was bound to push her into a corner. But she did open up to the Griffins and she was loved. She was comfortable with them and they were her family. Abby and Jake treated her exactly like they treated Clarke. There was no difference between the family dynamic at all.

So, Raven had no reason to be closed off but even to an extent she was. Clarke was a very open person but it made sense, she was just like Abby and Jake. Raven on the other hand, even though she picked up a lot of the Griffin traits, still her biological parents DNA and in turn she was still like them in some ways. Closing off her emotions was what her biological mother used to do. (Although Raven wouldn’t know that because she never really got to know her biological parents.)

She didn’t have any real reason to close off her emotions, romantically mostly, up until Finn happened. She fell hard for him. The problem with Finn was that she knew him from a very young age and she was very close to him. When the two reached high school they confused the idea of family with the idea of love.

They spent so much time together that other kids started assuming they were dating. They weren’t at the time but the idea that they were got the two thinking. Finn asked her about it one day over winter break of their sophomore year.

Of course she told him she liked him, he told her he liked her. They didn’t know any better. They weren’t actually family so it only made sense that what they felt was romantic, at least that’s what they thought.

By junior year Finn had started pulling back. It surprised Raven because she was content with where they were. She wasn’t as happy as the people in movies, but she was content.

Finn wasn’t though.

He started flirting with other girls, going out with other guys and hitting on girls as if Raven didn’t exist.

The summer before senior year Raven had found out that Finn had cheated on her with multiple girls.

She wasn’t necessarily surprised. It hurt like a bitch but she wasn’t completely taken back from the news. She knew that if Finn felt like she did about the relationship he must have questioned it multiple times over the course of their 2 years together.

Raven was angry at him for not talking to her though. Or not breaking up with her. He could have at least had the decency to break up with her if he didn’t feel anything anymore, (or if he realized that he didn’t feel anything in the first place).

Raven and Finn confused their feelings for one another and turned them romantic when they were only infatuation and familial care.

The problem with that?

Finn came out of it just fine, Raven on the other hand had her heart broken.

Finn was the biggest reason she decided to take a step back and close herself off.

“You’re scared of getting your heartbroken but Raven you’re missing out. Just look at Clarke and me. Neither of us are going to do what Finn did. Neither of us are going to break up with the other, we love each other and it’s the _best_ feeling in the world. We both want you to have that experience too.”

Lexa moved to sit across from Raven at the table, the cereal both girls were enjoying long forgotten.

“It’s hard, I know. But how about you take things slow. If you want to back out I get it, that’s up to you. But Clarke and I are both here for you okay? Whenever you’re ready to step back out there we’ll help you.”

Lexa smiled encouragingly at her best friend.

“I guess we could go out and see what happens.” Raven shrugged, the words coming out more as a question rather than a statement.

“Atta girl.”

 

-

 

“Clarke did you really have to invite _everyone_?” Raven raised her voice so that the other girl could hear her over the crowd of people at the bar.

“The more the merrier right?” Clarke shrugged at her sister.

Most of their friends were dancing over by the DJ’s stand. Harper, Jasper, Miller, and Monty were all standing in a group, chatting together on the other side of the bar, Bellamy and Murphy were sitting at one of the booths in the back of the building where it was quieter, Lexa was sitting next to Clarke and Raven at the bar, drinking a glass of orange juice and playing scrabble on her phone, and Octavia was nowhere to be found.

“Hey Lex, you wanna dance?” Clarke set her empty glass down and turned to her girlfriend. Lexa nodded and let Clarke guide her to an empty area on the floor.

Raven stayed at the bar and continued to sip her beer slowly for a few minutes.

She was just about to finish her glass and ask the bartender for a new one when Octavia jumped into the seat Clarke had previously occupied, “I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend for a minute, okay? Thanks.”

Before Raven had time to question the younger girl a boy with striking blue eyes and jet black hair approached the two girls.

“May I sit here?” He pointed to the seat next to Octavia.

Raven shrugged not seeing a reason to object so the boy sat down.

“Can I get a beer?” He called to the bartender.

“Can I get you anything?” He turned to Octavia and placed a hand on her leg.

“No you can’t. She’s here with me.” The words left Raven’s mouth before she could even think about what she was saying but the boy still didn’t remove his hand from her Octavia’s thigh.

“I don’t believe you.” He grinned at the two girls and took a sip of the beer he was handed.

“Asshole.” Raven muttered under her breathe.

“Please get your hand off of me. I’m here with my girlfriend now please leave me alone.” Octavia tried to remove his hand from her thigh and he let her but not before grabbing her hand instead.

“Come on sugar, you know you can’t resist this.” He motioned to himself.

Bu now Raven was fuming. This guy was clearly asking to get punched. There was no way Raven was going to sit there and let him touch Octavia like that.

“You know what, _punk_.” Raven got up and moved in front of Octavia, squishing herself in between the two chairs.

“If she wasn’t my girlfriend would I do this?” Raven turned around swiftly to face Octavia and leaned down so that their faces were merely inches apart.

She hesitated to let Octavia back out if she wanted to but the other girl just gave her a slight nod before placing her hand on the brunette’s cheek and connecting their lips.

Raven’s head went blank.

_It was fire._

Raven’s skin burned. Her head was swaying, and her heart, god her heart, was it even beating?

It could have just been the anger Raven felt for the boy who couldn’t accept ‘no’. It could have just been the alcohol she had consumed. It would have been so much easier for Raven if it was one of the two.

But no, this was Octavia.

Raven was feeling all of that because of Octavia.

_Octavia was fire_

And if Octavia was fire, Raven couldn’t wait to feel her burn.

When the two girls pulled apart both stunned and breathless, the boy was nowhere to be seen and a silence had fallen into place between them.

Raven took her seat again and awkwardly sipped from her beer.

“You felt that too right?” Octavia spoke after what felt like hours of silence.

Raven just nodded her head, not willing herself to turn to Octavia.

“Raven, look at me.” Octavia brought her hand up to Raven’s chin and turned her head.

“You okay?” The younger girl let out a nervous chuckle.

Raven was absolutely stunned. She was overwhelmed with feelings she didn’t want to have and even more feelings she didn’t know she could even experience.

“M’fine,” Raven mumbled, “That was just…”

“Different?” Octavia tried to help Raven out. The older girl could not piece the words in her head even if her life depended on it.

“Was it a good different?” This time Raven didn’t hesitate to nod. Her head bobbed up and down rapaciously.

“Would you mind if it happened again?” Octavia’s waivered.

“ _Please_.” A sigh escaped from the Latina’s lips at the idea of kissing Octavia again.

Without any more hesitation from either girls, their lips were reconnected.

Octavia let out a soft hum as Raven’s tongue met hers.

(Neither girl noticed but Clarke and Lexa were gawking at their two friends from the other side of the bar)

“You wanna get out of here?” Raven’s words were mumbled and incoherent as she continued kissing the younger girl, only breaking away to catch her breath.

Octavia nodded and pulled apart from the older girl.

“Let’s go.”

 

-

 

“20 bucks says they did it.” Clarke opens the passenger side seat for Lexa.

“You’re on. In any other situation those two might have, but not together, there’s no chance.” Lexa grabs Clarke’s hand and pulls her up the stairs to her apartment.

“You really don’t think they would do anything?” Clarke uses her own key to unlock the brunette’s apartment as they both saunter inside and plop down on the couch.

“I don’t think that Raven would. Octavia might have, it’s Octavia after all, but Raven wouldn’t.” Clarke nodded.

She agreed with Lexa, but she saw the other two girls. They were in their own little world and from her own personal experience she knows that their little bubble could have taken them anywhere.

Clarke and Lexa both agreed that they would head to Lexa’s place for the night to give the other two some space and time for themselves.

Clarke wanted to check up on the two and maybe embarrass her sister and her best friend all at the same time but Lexa wouldn’t let her.

“Would you like some tea? I’m making myself a cup.” Lexa stood up, reluctantly releasing Clarke’s hand and wandering over to the kitchen.

“Yes, please.” Clarke called back from the living room.

Lexa walked back into the room carefully with the two cups of tea. She handed one to Clarke and sat down beside her on the couch.

“Hozier?” Lexa chuckled at Clarke’s selection of music. She loved Hozier’s songs but Clarke seemed to listen to them all the time that you’d think she’d finally play something else.

“Listen, there is no way that he wasn’t a lesbian in another life.” Clarke placed her mug on one of the coasters on the table and turned to face Lexa. “I will stand by that until the day I die. No straight man can write ‘From Eden’.”

Clarke is dead serious which makes Lexa laugh even harder. They’ve had this conversation before because Lexa once said that it surprised her that Hozier wrote his own music and Clarke decided to input her opinion on the matter.

“So even if Hozier was a lesbian in a past life, how would he have written the songs now as a straight man?” Lexa tries to poke a hole in Clarke’s theory.

“It’s like me and you.” Clarke has the answer sitting right in front of her, literally.

“We met 2 years ago but we both have mentioned countless of times that we feel like somehow we’ve already met. I feel like I’ve known you for all of eternity, Lex. Like nay past life I had was always spent with you. What if everyone has the same feeling like that from their own past lives?”

Lexa had heard Clarke give this little speech before but it still stunned her every time the blonde would say it.

Clarke didn’t even realize the weight of the words she just spoke. All she was paying attention to was the point she was trying to make.

“Maybe that is the case.” Lexa pulled Clarke’s hands into her own and intertwined their fingers.

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” Clarke heard Lexa but when blue eyes met green she could feel the love Lexa had for her.

“Countless times.” Clarke breathed out, scooting closer to Lexa.

“Well I do.” Lexa moved to place herself on Clarke’s lap so she was straddling her.

“And I you.” Clarke closed the distance between them as the words left her mouth.

Lexa though that if Raven and Octavia didn’t go far in their escapades, at least someone did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I took a little break from this because it wasn't focused on what I wanted it to be so   
> I decided that after this chapter I'm going to try and incorporate a lot more of Raven's leg  
> and how she handles that and stuff.
> 
> Other than that, enjoy and come find me on tumblr @bluee-eyed-glory


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